God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
