He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
