is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
