Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
