Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
