I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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