Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
