I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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