you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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