so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
