i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
