I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
