Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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