Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
