Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
