Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize