Who wears a wallet chain?!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
