I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
