I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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