I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
