The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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