Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
