I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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