you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
