After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
