Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
