Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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