he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize