It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
