Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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