We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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