The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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