You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize