I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
