the new term for farting is butt boxing.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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