Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
