What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
pray to the hookup gods
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
