So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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