Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
