wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
