she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize