I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
