Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
