I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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