so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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