Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
