I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
