YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
