New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This baby is an asshole
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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