Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
love makes seman taste better
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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