Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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