Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
