I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
