captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
