Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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