I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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