I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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