I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
