she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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