I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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