didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i need some magic done to my vagina
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
