you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
