im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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