you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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