I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
