Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize