I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
