I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize