yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
