do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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