His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
