why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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