If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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