Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize