i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
