Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
