should my penis look like a turkey
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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