I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
