This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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