Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
