I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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