So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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