textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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