so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize